Yesterday, on the drive to Follansbee, we passed a graveyard. It was just a large rectangular tract of land in the middle of a valley, with nothing else around except for a river that runs through the valley.
I started to think and wonder what I would like to be done with my remains once I am dead. My first thought was that I would like to be buried on the banks of a large raging river, so that one day the water would rise and carry me away, dashing my corpse against rocks, trees, and other debris. On further contemplation though, I decided that this was a poorly thought out plan because I do not want my tattered corpse to wash up into some poor family’s back yard down stream.
I have decided that I want my body to be burned on a traditional funeral pyre and the ashes to be swept away by the wind, water, or cleaning crew. I do not want any physical memorials to be placed in my name—no headstones, no crosses, no flowers, no gravemarkers of any sort.
I would also like for a public funeral for friends and family to be held, which would be a party of sorts. There would be an abundance of alcohol, music, fireworks, bonfires, etcetera. At this party, people would be encouraged to stand up and say anything that they had ever wanted to say to or about me—either good or bad—but never had. These observations and opinions would be my eulogy, and would be closer to an honest and fair eulogy than most.
An effigy would be constructed to represent me, and it would wear a t-shirt that says: “I consumed more than my fair share in life and in death.” It would be lit on fire and burned up, and people would dance and sing until they were too tired or bored to go on any longer.
“From The Jeep To The Street, These Are The Hits With More Bounce To The Ouce!”
Monday, December 29th, 2003From the douchebags that brought you Kidz Bop, Now That’s What I Call Music, Monster Booty, Monsta Jamz, Monsta Flava, Goin’ South, and Ultimate Yanni…
…comes Thug Nation.
Even though this company must offer at least a few decent compilations of music (I hope), I absolutely despise the way they market their products. I just saw an ad for “Thug Nation”, and it is completely ridiculous. I have to assume that these people are marketing the music to stupid white suburban kids who like to fool themselves into thinking that they live in “the ghetto”. I can’t imagine any self-respecting “thug” to order this collection of music. (I would think that most already own the albums that the songs come from anyway.) The incredibly “old white guy” sounding narrator reading a script that attempts to emulate current street slang certainly does not convince me that he knows what it is like to live the “thug life”. It’s cheesy, it’s corny, and it seems a bit exploitative. I hope to God that I never have to make ads like these when I get a job.
From the website:
“Whether you’re jeepin’ or creepin’, Thug Nation has got your back!”
From the television commercial:
Are you a true player? Then it’s time to pledge allegiance to the money, power, and respect of Thug Nation—the hugest hood anthems of all time. Guaranteed to get you gangsta! … Whether you’re a hustla, a baller, or a P-I-M-P, Thug Nation is gonna get your game in check. Call or log on, and get your thug on now! These are all the greatest hip-hop hits for the thug in you. … East Coast, West Coast and the rivalry that spawned the biggest mix of all time; it’s Thug Nation, where all your favorite legends of hip-hop are representin’. Where da hood at? It’s ahhll right heeere, dog! … Plus, get blingin’ with this “Holla 4 Thug Nation” bumper sticker, absolutely free with your paid order. Street dreams are made of this. Get Thug Nation now!
::sigh::
Tags: Humor, Pop Culture, Rants, Social Commentary
Posted in Humor, Pop Culture, Rants, Social Commentary | 2 Comments »