Archive for the ‘Notes’ Category

Just thinking…

Wednesday, December 14th, 2005

It is easier to try to be a decent person once you accept the fact and admit to yourself that you are a bad man. It allows you to answer a lot of difficult questions with honesty and without shame. It grants a peace, even though that peace is not always the what one might ideally consider as such.

You are who you were.
You are who you are.
You are who you will be.

There is little benefit in crying over spilled milk, beer, or blood.

Friday, July 8th, 2005

Things are not good in Andyland.

I need to move on.

Lucidity Waiver

Thursday, April 21st, 2005

The past couple days have been very odd for me. I have been slipping into periods of almost complete incoherence lately. While walking home from class this afternoon, I caught myself feeling incredible impulses to do some very unusual and innapropiate things and realized that my mind seemed to be slipping into almost subconscious control. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, but I began to realize that it has been happening with more and more frequency of late, and it is starting to scare me.

The best way that I can think of to describe it is that I am losing conscious control of myself, slipping into subconscious autonomy. It is like blacking out for a few minutes and then coming back, but usually having a vague idea of what just happened. I am losing lucidity. It’s kind of like being in a zombie-state or some sort of fucked up quietism; I am physically active and responsive, but at best, my conscious mind is merely hanging on for the ride.


Sunday, April 3rd, 2005

I need to clean up my life. I’m seriously unstable. I need to do some emotional housecleaning.

Hazzard County Wisdom

Saturday, February 26th, 2005

This hits a little too close to home: Most folks eat when they’re hungry. Boss Hogg eats when he’s nervous. If he didn’t burn it off worrying, Ol’ Boss ‘ud weigh a ton.

Friday, February 25th, 2005

So while taking a break from homework, I’ve been watching a National Geographic program (Nature’s Nightmares) on spiders. It makes me glad that we don’t have much in the way of giant+aggressive+superpoisonous spiders around here. It was also interesting to watch the mating rituals of various spiders. (Black Widow males are disgusting looking, by the way.) For most species, it seems that the male merely has to do a little dance for the female and BAM! He is in sex city. Of course the female generally kills and devours the male after mating. I suppose that is a sure-fire way to guarantee fidelity. Oh, the price we pay to play…

Drive me far away. I don’t care where, just far away.

Monday, February 14th, 2005

I miss taking road trips and getting away on weekends. It grounds me. It gives me perspective on my self and my life.

Sunday, December 12th, 2004

I have this skulking suspicion that I am becoming stale.

Sunday, December 5th, 2004

One last update for the night (I hope this is the last one, since I will hopefully actually fall asleep on this next attempt): Arnold uses the line “I’ll be back” in Terminator (and sequels), Commando, and Running Man. I need to go and re-watch some other movies to see if he uses it in them as well. Does anyone know if he says it in “Total Recall,” “Kindergarten Cop,” “Twins,” Junior,” or any of his other movies?

Sisyphus, Atlas, and I–tragic heros indeed.

Thursday, October 28th, 2004

“It is during that return, that pause, that Sisyphus interests me. A face that toils so close to stones is already stone itself! I see that man going back down with a heavy yet measured step toward the torment of which he will never know the end. That hour like a breathing-space which returns as surely as his suffering, that is the hour of consciousness. At each of those moments when he leaves the heights and gradually sinks toward the lairs of the gods, he is superior to his fate. He is stronger than his rock.

If this myth is tragic, that is because its hero is conscious. Where would his torture be, indeed, if at every step the hope of succeeding upheld him? The workman of today works everyday in his life at the same tasks, and his fate is no less absurd. But it is tragic only at the rare moments when it becomes conscious. Sisyphus, proletarian of the gods, powerless and rebellious, knows the whole extent of his wretched condition: it is what he thinks of during his descent. The lucidity that was to constitute his torture at the same time crowns his victory. There is no fate that can not be surmounted by scorn.”

Excerpted from The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus (trans. Justin O’Brien)

While I agree with the initial analysis of the situation, I do not agree with Camus’s conclusions that “The lucidity that was to constitute his torture at the same time crowns his victory” and “There is no fate that can not be surmounted by scorn.”