Archive for December, 2004


Thursday, December 30th, 2004

I’ve never been much of one for making New Year’s resolutions for myself (except for the occasional “This year, I am not going to let the fact that people–in general, as a whole, as individuals, with a handful of exceptions–who deserve my loathing make my year suck quite as bad as last year”). I’ve always been more for gradual self-improvement whenever convenient, necessary, or otherwise attempt-able.

As part of this, I have recently been trying to accomplish a few personal changes:
(1) Allow/force self to be more extroverted/outgoing.
(2) Allow self to be more off-the-wall and uncensored in the making of levity and humor.
(3) Maintain (and increase if possible) personal levels of unrestrained honesty when dealing with others.
(4) Get back into shape, you lazy unhealthy fuck.

For the most part, I have been making strong advances toward these goals (with the exception of #4). I have noticed that by employing these strategies rather sporadically, I am beginning to think and behave in a manner that might be perceived as a bit schizophrenic. I began to devise new approaches to achieve my goals without regressing into a lovable creepy psychotic, but then I decided not to bother. My New Year’s resolution–primarily only regarded as such due to the timing–is to wallow in my own crazy. So if I have recently done or will soon do anything that pisses you off, blame it on the New Year.

Sunday, December 12th, 2004

I have this skulking suspicion that I am becoming stale.

Sunday, December 5th, 2004

One last update for the night (I hope this is the last one, since I will hopefully actually fall asleep on this next attempt): Arnold uses the line “I’ll be back” in Terminator (and sequels), Commando, and Running Man. I need to go and re-watch some other movies to see if he uses it in them as well. Does anyone know if he says it in “Total Recall,” “Kindergarten Cop,” “Twins,” Junior,” or any of his other movies?

Saturday, December 4th, 2004

Dreams: I continue to have upsetting dreams. They aren’t so much nightmares in the traditional sense, but rather that in every dream I find myself trapped in a situation of helplessness. The situation changes in each dream, but each time, I find myself just stuck in a situation that never ends because I am the only one who knows how to end it and no one will listen to me. It’s sort of a sensation of being half-awake while dreaming. Not quite lucid dreaming, since I can’t control the dream, but more like being paralyzed. It’s the same sensation that you might have if you could see, hear, and sense everything going on around you, and you were aware of everything but could not move a single muscle. I often wake up with the situation unresolved. Perhaps this is why I haven’t been feeling well lately?