Archive for the ‘Sleep’ Category

Friday, August 19th, 2005

I sleep with my clothes on every night. This way, I will be prepared for the afterlife if I die in my sleep.

Lucidity Waiver

Thursday, April 21st, 2005

The past couple days have been very odd for me. I have been slipping into periods of almost complete incoherence lately. While walking home from class this afternoon, I caught myself feeling incredible impulses to do some very unusual and innapropiate things and realized that my mind seemed to be slipping into almost subconscious control. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, but I began to realize that it has been happening with more and more frequency of late, and it is starting to scare me.

The best way that I can think of to describe it is that I am losing conscious control of myself, slipping into subconscious autonomy. It is like blacking out for a few minutes and then coming back, but usually having a vague idea of what just happened. I am losing lucidity. It’s kind of like being in a zombie-state or some sort of fucked up quietism; I am physically active and responsive, but at best, my conscious mind is merely hanging on for the ride.


Wednesday, January 12th, 2005

Last night, I slept like a corpse. Not as well as a corpse (in fact, I woke quite frequently), but in the position of a corpse–flat on my back with my arms crossed over my chest (more like a mummy, I suppose). This is mostly unusual for me, though not entirely unheard of, and got me to thinking about how I sleep. I generally need to feel some sort of weight upon me. Even in the summer, I like to have heavy blankets weighing me down. I often need to bury my head underneath pillows. I wonder if this reflects some sort of unfulfilled psychological need or some other sort of deficiency in my waking life?

Sunday, December 5th, 2004

One last update for the night (I hope this is the last one, since I will hopefully actually fall asleep on this next attempt): Arnold uses the line “I’ll be back” in Terminator (and sequels), Commando, and Running Man. I need to go and re-watch some other movies to see if he uses it in them as well. Does anyone know if he says it in “Total Recall,” “Kindergarten Cop,” “Twins,” Junior,” or any of his other movies?

Saturday, December 4th, 2004

Dreams: I continue to have upsetting dreams. They aren’t so much nightmares in the traditional sense, but rather that in every dream I find myself trapped in a situation of helplessness. The situation changes in each dream, but each time, I find myself just stuck in a situation that never ends because I am the only one who knows how to end it and no one will listen to me. It’s sort of a sensation of being half-awake while dreaming. Not quite lucid dreaming, since I can’t control the dream, but more like being paralyzed. It’s the same sensation that you might have if you could see, hear, and sense everything going on around you, and you were aware of everything but could not move a single muscle. I often wake up with the situation unresolved. Perhaps this is why I haven’t been feeling well lately?

Monday, November 29th, 2004

Do you ever play a song, and it affects you so much that you feel like you are about to convulse, have a seizure, have an aneurysm, have a cardiac arrest, vomit, and cry all at the same time? I have been having trouble sleeping (surprise surprise), so I decided to listen to some old songs that I have not listened to for awhile. One of them just so happens to be a song that makes me feel as though I am on the verge of doing each of the aforementioned things simultaneously. Even having only listened to the first few seconds was enough, and now my skin is tense and hurts, and I feel evenmore exhausted than before. Fuck.

Tuesday, August 24th, 2004

If I don’t start sleeping better, I am going to take to swearing even more profusely.

Tuesday, August 17th, 2004

Yet again, I couldn’t sleep. I decided to do something productive. I am discovering that it is difficult to find inspiration while sober these days, but this turned out pretty well. It may be the best sober work of art (excluding digital art) that I have done in the past 5 years, excluding the painting that I did this summer.

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Now I have nothing good to do. I wish I had cable tv to watch. I think I’m going to go have a beer and try going to bed again. Good morning, everyone.

I need REM sleep.

Saturday, August 14th, 2004

Today was a strange day. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I probably only get about 4 good hours of sleep a night on a good night, but most nights aren’t good nights. I’m generally not reaching REM sleep, and when I do, I tend to wake up in the middle of it. I think I made it worse last night by getting completely smashed. I went to bed a little bit after sunrise and I kept waking up every hour or two. I got up at 10 and was still drunk, so I went back to bed. I basically spent the entire day until 6:00 PM laying in bed half-asleep and waking up from time to time. This in itself isn’t so strange, but the semi-conscious dream/hallucinations were.


Personal Entry

Sunday, July 11th, 2004

Purple Heart