Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

Friday, August 19th, 2005

I sleep with my clothes on every night. This way, I will be prepared for the afterlife if I die in my sleep.

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004

I REGRET: every breath since early summer 1992

“It’s never to late to start planning for the future.”

Friday, December 26th, 2003

Yesterday, on the drive to Follansbee, we passed a graveyard. It was just a large rectangular tract of land in the middle of a valley, with nothing else around except for a river that runs through the valley.

I started to think and wonder what I would like to be done with my remains once I am dead. My first thought was that I would like to be buried on the banks of a large raging river, so that one day the water would rise and carry me away, dashing my corpse against rocks, trees, and other debris. On further contemplation though, I decided that this was a poorly thought out plan because I do not want my tattered corpse to wash up into some poor family’s back yard down stream.

I have decided that I want my body to be burned on a traditional funeral pyre and the ashes to be swept away by the wind, water, or cleaning crew. I do not want any physical memorials to be placed in my name—no headstones, no crosses, no flowers, no gravemarkers of any sort.

I would also like for a public funeral for friends and family to be held, which would be a party of sorts. There would be an abundance of alcohol, music, fireworks, bonfires, etcetera. At this party, people would be encouraged to stand up and say anything that they had ever wanted to say to or about me—either good or bad—but never had. These observations and opinions would be my eulogy, and would be closer to an honest and fair eulogy than most.

An effigy would be constructed to represent me, and it would wear a t-shirt that says: “I consumed more than my fair share in life and in death.” It would be lit on fire and burned up, and people would dance and sing until they were too tired or bored to go on any longer.

Monday, December 8th, 2003

while letting the tides of the internet take me where they may, i stumbled upon a list of things that someone aspired to do before they die. this person is a few years younger than i, and as i looked over it, i began to recall some of the dreams and goals that i had once desired to do before death.

and so now i wonder just when i lost my aspirations in life?

there are still things that i desire to do, but nothing that i aspire to. i have given up on just about every lofty goal that i ever had. i am essentially ready for death if death comes. i say “essentially” only because my obsessive nature would have me tie up a few loose ends to “tidy up” my exit from this world. after all, no one really likes having to clean up someone else’s messes.

in some ways, i feel that i have died already—i am just hanging around and completing formalities and obligations before i take my leave.

but when did i really give up my hopes and aspirations?

the closest that i can guess is that it happened sometime during my sophomore year of college. i think that i began to let things slip as far back as junior high school, but i always kept clinging to my dreams until sophomore year of college. even then, i do not think that i let the last threads slip from my fingers until last year.

but regardless of when i let go, my hands are now empty. so what shall i do with myself now?