Archive for the ‘Sleep’ Category

Hehuh! I gotta remember to write that one in my dream journal!

Saturday, July 10th, 2004

I had a strange enough dream last night that I figured it was worth recording before I forgot it. So here is the basic summary that I wrote down. It was even more strange because it was incredibly vivid and realistic, but the things that happened couldn’t possibly be real.

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A Morgantown Morning Odyssey

Friday, May 7th, 2004

I have posted a new moment of quietism. (quietist)

It is a visual account of my wanderings this past morning.

A Morgantown Morning Odyssey

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004

I think that the stress and lack of sleep are starting to get to me. I am worse off than usual today. I think I was experiencing some mild hallucination just before I went to bed around 7:30 this morning.

I’m still kind of out of it. I feel drunk–uncoordinated, blurry vision, grogginess, kind of like I’m in a cloud.

I realized while taking my shower that, apparently, my brain is convinced that my washcloth, and possibly my left and right hands, are spies and double-agents for the softer side of clean. I’m starting to believe it too.

I nicked my lip shaving yesterday, and I keep touching and poking at it out of nervous habit. It’s just getting worse. I need to stop it.

My eyes are burning. I need to make it to 4:00pm today. Jebus, I need relief.

I just had the worst dream

Thursday, April 8th, 2004

I just had the worst dream. Not because it was a bad dream, but because it was such a good dream that waking up from it leads to disappointment. And what makes it so much worse, is that it felt very realistic while I was dreaming. It was something that could have been real but wasn’t. So when I wake up and know that it was not real and will never be real, I feel very depressed. I am emotionally drained, and I feel physically drained as well.

Exploding Hearts and Aching Bones

Thursday, December 18th, 2003

Do you ever lie in bed, unable to sleep, mind racing over thoughts of nothing, heart feeling as though it will explode, all your bones aching, trying to bury your head and wet burning eyes into your arm or pillow?

I think that I am afraid of the night.

I like the night. I am the most productive at night. But at night, it sometimes seems that the whole world disappears and I am left all alone. Not just alone, but lonely. I like to be alone sometimes, but I fear being lonely. I think that I would like to live somewhere where the nights are never without at least a faint twilight, because when I am alone in the light, I still feel somehow secure. I feel that people are not far away and that I am not so alone. But when I am alone in the dark, I begin to feel insecure. I feel that people asleep are corpses and those awake are the dull glassy-eyed wandering undead.

These past few years, I have been feeling less optimistic about the direction of my life, and what the world has in store for me. I had attributed this to only seeing my parents an average of two one-week periods each year, and being twice lured into love and then abandoned for an easier alternative. I assumed that it might be due to a lack of the immediate presence of unconditional love and a general trend of abandonment. I thought that spending time at home and with family might alter my perspective, but nothing has really changed at all. All that has really changed is that I have gained an awareness of how easy it will be to run away, but how hard it will be to forget. I think perhaps I am also irritated more to reaffirm the obligation that any child has to outlive parents who care for it. It is not that such would necessarily be my decision, but I just don’t like being pressured out of a choice. I like to have options, even if one option is to cash in, opt out, throw in the towel, and take the long bus ride home.

I think that maybe all this studying and preparing for advertising finals is really getting to me.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

“I am a walking product placement. It’s my job to get you to buy things. See… these markers–$20–buy them.”

(The markers were actually $18.80.)

In the third of my three dreams last night (one good, one absolutely awful, and one that was just strange), I was back at Capital again as a student, even though I am 22. I got to just walk around and choose whatever classes I wanted to go to (since I had already graduated), but I was still somehow a student. Also strange was that I spent most of my time hanging out with a guy I went to school with since grade school (and who lived on the same road I did when I lived in Charleston) but who I never really hung out with much. He is just as old as I am, but for some reason in the dream he was still just a normal high school student. He was in love with this girl who was a freshman and happened to be the (one of many actually) younger sister of another guy that I went to school with. In real life, these two guys were pretty good friends, at least until the second one chose to go to a different high school. The second guy didn’t want the first guy to go anywhere near his sister, because he felt that she was too young to be dating someone older, and was afraid that she would start acting slutty if she knew that guys liked her. This created a sort of Romeo & Juliet-esque struggle, as the second guy and his brother kept threatening to try to beat up the first guy.

I am unsure of my role in all of this, but it seemed that I was mostly just there to watch and to help whoever needed help. I definitely did not fit it, although no one was mean to me or anything. I just didn’t know anybody (except for those two guys) and I didn’t feel like taking part in the high school drama. At one point in the dream, as I was walking through the art store (CHS did not have an art store, but in my dream it did–located where the “special ed” room was in real life) with the first guy, we were discussing what class I had next. I said that I didn’t know, but it didn’t matter because I could choose whatever class I really felt like. I told him that the reason I was there must be to sell stuff to the high school students, and then randomly pointed at some permanent markers and (in jest) told him to buy them.

Lucid dreaming

Friday, November 28th, 2003

I think I just had a lucid dream. It was either a very realistic dream or else I slipped in and then back out of a lucid dream. It began as a somewhat normal dream, and at one point I cloned myself, and at that point, I began to notice that I had some sort of control over what I did in my dream, and then shortly I was actual aware that I was dreaming, and I could completely choose my destiny, but I was actually in the dream world rather than awake. I knew I was dreaming mainly because I was aware that I was the clone of myself and not the original, and I knew that such things couldn’t be possible and that it had all begun as a dream anyway. (more…)