I need REM sleep.

Today was a strange day. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I probably only get about 4 good hours of sleep a night on a good night, but most nights aren’t good nights. I’m generally not reaching REM sleep, and when I do, I tend to wake up in the middle of it. I think I made it worse last night by getting completely smashed. I went to bed a little bit after sunrise and I kept waking up every hour or two. I got up at 10 and was still drunk, so I went back to bed. I basically spent the entire day until 6:00 PM laying in bed half-asleep and waking up from time to time. This in itself isn’t so strange, but the semi-conscious dream/hallucinations were.

At first, I kept dreaming that I was awake and laying in bed but could not move my body. I could hear things that were going on around me (which I believe that I was subconsciously hearing–you can hear things from the hallway next to my bedroom as if they are in the room right next to you). I just kept staring at the ceiling thinking that people were in my room and were concerned because I seemed to be paralyzed or dead or something. I would wake up from this in the same position that I had been laying in during the dream. I would then fall asleep and it would happen all over again. Very realistic, and very frightening.

Then I actually slept normally for a little bit, but I woke up and there was a huge spider on the wall about a foot from my face. I watched it crawl up the wall, and when I flipped on the lights it was gone. I was legitimately freaked out. I searched for the bastard for about 5 minutes and couldn’t find any sign of it. I finally resolved to try to sleep again. Once again, I woke up and that damn spider was there again. I watched it crawl up the wall but kept my eyes on it as I turned on the light. It vanished right before my eyes. At this point I started to become concerned with my sanity, and decided that it was just a strange hallucination.

I went back to bed and slept fitfully for awhile. I heard the neighbors leaving their apartment and some kids playing outside, and I dreamt that I got out of bed and looked out the window and watched my neighbor drive away. It was completely realistic and, at the time, I believed that I was doing it, but when I woke up for real later I realized that I had never gotten out of bed since the spider incident. I layed in bed for awhile longer in a light sleep and woke up. When I opened my eyes and was looking at the ceiling, it appeared to be moving–only then did I realize that I must have woken up during REM sleep and my eyes were still sort of twitching and making it difficult to focus, which was apparently causing me to see illusions. I looked at the wall and noticed a few nail holes, which (when combined with my darting eyes) created the very realistic effect of a spider crawling up the wall. Very creepy. I layed in bed a while longer and once again apparently awoke during REM sleep. I finally got out of bed and began the business of starting my day.

It’s just a couple hours till sunrise. I am exhausted but I am not tired. I want to go to bed and fall asleep. I want some good sleep. I need some good sleep.