I was doing what I often do while I sit at home most every evening–thinking/reflecting–and I came upon the distinct conclusion that “unbalanced” is the word that best describes how I feel about how I think/act/feel in life these days. I then remembered how in high school and my first couple years of college, that word used to be “off-center” (a fantastic concept which held the connotations of awkwardness, deviance, asymmetry, imperfection, and eccentricity for me). I began to wonder whether “off-center” might not still be more appropriate, but I decided that balance is a more important concept than position is in my life at present. So I would describe my self/life right now as “Balance–or the lack thereof.”
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Meta
Balance–or the lack thereof.
a walking contradiction
Punk-Pop-Geek-Elite~
Eryn’s response
Dithering – of two minds, sitting on the proverbial fence
Ambiguous.
the indecisive decision maker.
The lie….
It’s because I’m really unhappy right now but I still paint that smile on and walk out into the world like I’m still a part of it. The truth is..I haven’t felt like a part of the world or anything else for a long time. The only people who know how I really feel about it are the people who read my journal.And even then I’m dishonest.Sometimes I write with humor and I attempt to entertain in order to please the reader, even on days that I feel like I’ve just taken an internal acid bath.
No one who knows me in person has any idea how sad I am..or how alone I feel. They all think that I’m a confident, happy, popular person with a life that they’d like to have. I’m a damn good actress I guess.
The realistic doll..looks real..feels real…but it’s empty on the inside.
I hope that I can change the inner me to match the outer me this year…or at least make some substantial progress toward that goal.
Transcendental..
yeah I think that’s accurate enough.. hehe.
by the way, Andy, it was so nice finally meeting you :) We have to hang out another time before I leave on the 8th. Remember, this Thursday is salsa dancing!! :D
enigma. so i’ve been told.
enigma. so i’ve been told.