Archive for February, 2005

if only / when i die

Monday, February 28th, 2005

when i die

there will be no more bad days
(there will be no more good days, i suppose)

this weight will become yours

this knot will come untied
these strings will come unraveled
these ideas will float away on the wind

maybe some will float back down
maybe some will be found by another

if only i could attach a tag
— my name, how to reach me,
tell me you understand

maybe there would be good days

I posted this in if_only_list, and realized that it probably belongs in here as well. Once I finished it and re-read it a few times, I started to like it more and more. Maybe I will start having more stuff to add to this journal as I participate in the If Only List community.

Monday, February 28th, 2005

There are times when I find myself barely grasping to sanity. I suddenly sense my own self-awareness and discover that I have almost slipped into the realm of abstract, aesthetics, art, ideas. It frightens me sometimes how easy the transition could be made and how tempting it can be. It’s like standing at the edge of the ocean, hearing the Siren’s call, and being tempted to step into the waves and swept away by the riptide.
Today I was swept up in the beauty of falling snow.
Snow affects me deeply. I find symbolism of purity in snow.
I am of a savage design. I will never be gentle enough to embrace a snowflake until I am dead.